When we stop really listening

Listening can seem simple. Someone speaks, we hear their words, and we respond. Yet our attention can drift while someone is talking to us, even when we care about what they are saying. We might be thinking about what happened earlier, preparing our response, or simply caught up in our own thoughts.

I’m curious about what happens when our attention drifts while someone is speaking to us.

When we hear but don't really listen

Sometimes we hear the words without really taking them in. We might be thinking about what we want to say next, remembering something similar, or waiting for our turn to speak.

The other person is there. We are there too, yet part of our attention has drifted elsewhere.

When we think we already know

This can happen easily with people we know well. We may think we already know what they will say, how they feel, or what they need. Yet people change, and there may be something new in what they are saying today.

Perhaps listening begins with staying curious.

Noticing and returning

We cannot listen with our full attention all the time. Our attention will naturally drift. Perhaps what matters is noticing when they have.

We can pause. We can listen again. We can return our attention to the person in front of us. Not perfectly. Just kindly.

Sometimes the kindest thing we can give another person is our attention.

I wonder what you might notice the next time you realise you have stopped really listening.