When we get caught up in ourselves

Sometimes our own thoughts, worries and needs can take up a lot of our attention. We might be with someone we care about, but find ourselves caught up in what is happening within us. We may be thinking about something that happened earlier, worrying about what comes next, or simply carrying a lot in our minds.

I’m curious about what happens when our attention becomes so caught up in our own thoughts that it is less available to the people around us.

When our thoughts take over

We can become absorbed in our own thoughts without meaning to. Someone may be talking to us, but our attention has drifted into something we are thinking about. We might hear their words without really taking them in. The person is there. We are there too, but our attention is somewhere else.

When we are carrying something

Sometimes there is a reason our attention is closer to home. We might be tired, worried, hurt or trying to make sense of something. Our own needs can naturally ask for our attention. There is nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps caring for ourselves also means noticing when our attention is less available to someone else.

When we notice

We don't need to judge ourselves for becoming caught up in our own thoughts.

We might simply notice: My attention is very much with me right now.

Perhaps that noticing is enough to gently return. We might return to the person beside us. To what they are saying. To the moment we are sharing.

Making space for others

It’s not possible to always be fully available to the people around us. Sometimes our own thoughts and needs need our attention first. When we notice that we have become caught up in ourselves, we might also notice whether there is space to turn our attention towards someone else.

Perhaps connection can begin there.

I wonder what you might notice the next time you realise your attention has become caught up in your own thoughts, and there is someone beside you.