Kindness we give away

We can be very generous with our kindness.

We notice when someone is having a difficult day. We listen when someone needs to talk. We check in, remember the things that matter to people, offer help, make time and try to make things a little easier for those around us.

Kindness can come quite naturally when it is directed towards someone else.

I’m curious about what happens when we give so much of our kindness away that we forget to offer some of it to ourselves.

When kindness goes outwards

We may not think of all the things we do for other people as kindness.

It might be making dinner, sending a message, remembering an appointment, asking how someone is doing or simply being there when they need us.

We might notice when someone else needs a break, but keep going ourselves. We might be patient with someone who is struggling, while becoming frustrated with ourselves for needing the same patience. We can be very understanding towards other people. Yet sometimes much less so towards ourselves.

When we are harder on ourselves

Perhaps we have become used to expecting more from ourselves.

We might make a mistake and immediately think about what we should have done differently. We might feel tired but tell ourselves we should keep going. We might need some time for ourselves but feel that someone else needs us more.

The kindness we would readily offer another person can be harder to offer ourselves.

We may not even notice that this is happening.

What would we give ourselves?

If someone we cared about was tired, worried or having a difficult day, we might not tell them they should simply try harder. We might listen. Give them some time. Remind them that they are doing their best.

Perhaps we can notice what happens when we offer ourselves some of that same kindness. We don't have to stop caring about other people. We might simply pause long enough to notice that we are here too.

Giving some kindness back

There will always be people we care about and things we want to do for them.

Kindness doesn't have to be something we give away until there is none left for ourselves.

Perhaps sometimes we can remember to give some of it to ourselves.

We may not always know what we need. Yet perhaps we can begin by noticing.

I wonder what you might notice the next time you find yourself being kind to someone else, and whether there might be a little of that kindness you could give yourself too.