Always being available
It has become easy to stay connected.
We can answer a message from almost anywhere, let someone know where we are, check in with family and friends and respond to work or everyday demands without needing to be in a particular place.
There is something lovely about that. Being able to reach someone when we need them can bring reassurance and connection. We can hear from the people who matter to us, wherever we happen to be..
I'm curious about what happens when being reachable starts to feel like being available.
Reachable isn't the same as available
Our phones mean that people can often reach us whenever they want to.
Just because we can be reached doesn't necessarily mean we are ready to give our attention.
We might be having dinner, reading a book, spending time with someone or sitting quietly when a message arrives. We can choose not to respond, but knowing that something is waiting can still create a small pull towards it.
Our attention can drift towards the possibility of being needed, even when nobody is asking anything of us in that moment.
The expectation of being there
Perhaps the interesting change isn't that we can be contacted. It is that we can begin to expect ourselves to respond.
A message arrives and we wonder whether we should answer. Someone calls and we feel that we ought to pick up. An email appears and we start thinking about it, even though we had intended to spend the next hour doing something else. Over time, being available can become part of how we see ourselves. We may feel that being a good friend, colleague, parent or family member means being there whenever someone reaches out.
Sometimes that is exactly what we want. Yet there may also be moments when our attention belongs somewhere else.
Where does our attention belong?
Being unavailable doesn't necessarily mean being disconnected. It can mean that, for a while, our attention is with what is in front of us.
We might be having a conversation without wondering who else might be trying to reach us. We might read without checking whether anything has arrived. We might go for a walk without needing to know what is happening elsewhere. These moments can be surprisingly difficult when we are accustomed to being reachable.
Availability isn't only about whether we respond. It can also be about whether part of our attention remains open to the possibility that we might need to.
A little space
We don't need to become unavailable all the time.
There will always be people and things that deserve our attention, and sometimes being reachable is important. It’s worth noticing the difference between being available because we have chosen to be and feeling that we should always be available.
We might answer the message. We might let the call go through to voicemail. We might decide that something can wait until later. We might even notice the pull and return our attention to what we were doing. Our attention will naturally drift towards the people and things that might need us.
Caring for our attention means remembering that we don't have to be available to everyone, all the time, in order to care.
I wonder what you might notice the next time you feel you need to be available.