The things we carry for others

Sometimes we carry a lot for other people.

We remember what someone needs, think about what they might be going through, keep track of appointments, worry about how they're doing or spend time trying to work out what we can do to help. We may not think of this as something we are carrying. It can simply become part of our day.

I’m curious about what happens when so much of our attention is taken up with the people we care about that we have less left for ourselves.

When someone else is on our mind

We can be doing something completely unrelated and still be thinking about someone else.

Wondering how they're feeling. Thinking about something they said. Remembering something they need. Trying to work out what might help.

Our attention can keep returning to them, even when they aren't with us.

When caring becomes constant

Caring about someone can naturally take up our attention.

Sometimes we are supporting someone through a difficult time. Sometimes we are simply used to looking out for the people around us. We might notice when someone else is tired, worried or struggling, while barely noticing how we are doing ourselves.

There can be so much to remember and think about that our own needs become easy to put aside.

What happens to us?

We may not notice that we are tired until we finally stop. We may not realise we need some space because we have been thinking about everyone else. Sometimes we don't even know what we need because we haven't given ourselves much attention for a while.

Perhaps we have become very good at noticing other people, and less practiced at noticing ourselves.

Giving some attention back to ourselves

Caring for ourselves doesn't mean caring less about other people.

We might simply pause long enough to notice what we are carrying.

What has been on our mind? How are we actually feeling? Is there something we need? We may not have an answer straight away.

Perhaps noticing is enough to begin with.

What are we carrying?

There will always be people we care about and things we want to do for them. We can’t stop caring.

Yet perhaps we can notice when our attention has become so focused on someone else that we have lost touch with ourselves.

Sometimes we might put something down for a while. Sometimes we might keep carrying it.

Either way, perhaps it helps to know what we are carrying.

I wonder what you might notice the next time you realise you've been thinking about everyone else, and not much about yourself.