The phone between us
Sometimes there is a phone between two people who are together.
It might be sitting on the table, in someone's hand or beside them on the couch. Nothing is necessarily happening on it. Yet somehow, it can still feel like there is something else in the room with us.
I’m curious about what happens when our phones become part of the space between us.
When the phone is right there
We might be having dinner with someone, talking to a friend or sitting with our family.
The phone is nearby.
We know it is there.
We might notice a message come through, wonder who it is or think about checking something. Even when we don't pick it up, part of our attention may have already turned towards it.
When we look down
Sometimes we do check.
We might glance at a message, look something up or quickly respond to someone. It can feel like only a moment. But the conversation continues while our attention has gone somewhere else.
The person beside us is still there.
They may even keep talking while we look at the screen.
What happens between us
A phone doesn't have to interrupt a conversation completely to change it.
Sometimes it's simply the possibility of being interrupted. We may listen a little differently when we know a notification could arrive. We may be less willing to let a quiet moment remain quiet.
Our attention can become divided without us really noticing.
When the phone isn't the problem
Our phones are useful. They help us stay connected, find information, organise our lives and do so many things.
The question isn't whether we should have them with us.
It's whether we notice when they begin to take some of our attention away from the person who is actually there. Sometimes putting the phone down changes very little.
Sometimes it changes everything.
What's between us?
When we're with someone, our attention is part of what we give them.
We cannot give it completely all the time. Our attention will naturally drift and there will always be other things asking for it. Yet sometimes we can notice the phone between us and choose to put it aside.
Sometimes the person in front of us simply deserves our attention.
I wonder what you might notice the next time you are with someone and your phone is sitting between you.