Listening while distracted

We can be listening to someone and still have our attention somewhere else.

We might hear what they are saying while thinking about something that happened earlier, wondering what we need to do next, or noticing our phone nearby. Sometimes we don't even realise we've stopped listening properly.

I’m curious about what happens when we are listening, but our attention has drifted somewhere else.

When we hear but don't really listen

Someone can be talking to us and we can hear every word, yet not really take in what they're saying. We might be thinking about what we want to say next. Remembering something it has brought to mind. Or simply caught up in our own thoughts.

We can nod. We can respond. We can look like we're listening and still miss some of what is being said.

When our attention gets pulled away

There are so many things that can draw our attention while we're with another person.

A notification. Something we need to remember. A thought that suddenly comes into our mind. Sometimes the distraction is obvious. Sometimes it's just a thought that takes us somewhere else.

The person is still talking.

Our attention has naturally drifted.

When we notice

We cannot expect ourselves to listen perfectly all the time. Our attention will naturally drift. That's part of being human.

What matters is noticing when it has happened.

We might realise we missed something. We might ask the person to say it again. We might try to listen a little more closely. We don't have to make a big thing of it. We can just come back.

Giving someone our attention

Listening takes attention.

Not perfect attention, and not every moment of it. Just enough to notice the person in front of us and what they are trying to say. Sometimes we may not realise how much someone has to say until we actually stop and listen.

I wonder what you might notice the next time someone is talking to you and you realise your attention has drifted somewhere else.