Being connected, but not present

We can be connected to people all day and still not feel very present with anyone.

Messages arrive. We reply. We check in with friends, follow what people are doing and keep up with conversations happening somewhere else. We can feel connected without actually being with anyone.

I’m curious about what happens when being connected starts to feel like being present.

When someone is always within reach

Our phones make it easy to stay connected. We can message someone while we're having breakfast, send a photo while we're out walking or reply to a conversation while sitting with someone else. Someone can be far away and still feel very close.

Yet being able to reach someone isn't quite the same as being with them.

When our attention is divided

We might be talking to someone while replying to another person. We might be sitting with our family while thinking about a conversation happening on our phone. We can be connected to several people at once, while not being fully present with the person beside us.

Our attention can be in many places.

When connection becomes constant

There can be something comforting about knowing people are there. We can check in whenever we want. We can see what friends are doing. We can send a message and know it will probably be received. Yet constant connection can also make it harder to simply be where we are. There is always someone else we could respond to. Something else we could check.

Being with the person who is here

Being connected matters.

So does being present.

Sometimes we might choose to put the phone away and stay with the person in front of us. We might listen to what they're saying. Notice their expression. Share a quiet moment without needing to fill it.

Nothing else has to happen.

We are simply together.

Connected, but not present

We will always have people and things elsewhere asking for our attention, and of course we cannot be fully present with everyone all the time.

Perhaps sometimes it is enough to notice where our attention is.

Are we here with the person beside us? Or are we somewhere else, connected to someone who isn't?

I wonder what you might notice the next time you are with someone and realise that, although you are connected to many people, your attention is somewhere else.